The Spirit of "Brotherly" Love

Dear friends,

As I spend time with clergy colleagues from all the different traditions that are part of Christian Associates, I notice that each church has its particular vocabulary: a notable word or two that they use much more often than other Christians do. For Methodists, it’s “prevenient.” For Orthodox, definitely “theotokos.” And when I’m around Catholics, a word has been standing out to me lately: fraternity.

Rev. Liddy Barlow (at right) and her sister Sarah-Mary in 1988.

Bishop Larry Kulick has served as the President of our Council of Bishops & Judicatory Executives this year. When we’ve spoken about the challenge of welcoming so many newcomers into the Council, he’s recommended organizing some social time so we can enjoy fraternity with one another. Or, we’ll have an event, like the Nicaea 1700 celebration, and he’ll remark on the excellent spirit of fraternity in the room.

This word, “fraternity,” startles me every time. I was formed by a Christian tradition that never uses the word at all, outside of keg party hosts on college campuses. Since my denomination ordains people of all genders, “fraternity” would be an awkward descriptor for the relationships enjoyed among our leaders. We speak of collegiality, friendship … but fraternity? Not so much.

And yet, there’s something in “fraternity” that gets to the heart of our connection as Christians. Jesus declared that all who do God’s will are his brothers; in the book of Acts, Paul and Peter both use “brothers” as the default collective noun for the group of believers. In the epistles, both Romans and Hebrews, Christians are instructed to live in relationships of philadelphia, brotherly love.

Modern translations often expand these references to read “brothers and sisters” to make the meaning clear: whatever our gender, our relationship to one another is that of siblings, not mere acquaintances, colleagues, or even friends. Siblings have a closer kinship. They share a bond that cannot be erased even by deep disagreement or clashing personalities. Siblings have a shared history; they grow from the same roots; they have mutual responsibility. At best, they can accommodate one another’s quirks and foibles, recognizing that despite their sometimes significant differences, they share a connection that nothing can sever.

I remember clowning in the church choir loft with my best friend Liz during Junior Choir rehearsals in elementary school. We were learning this song:

“Let us love one another

Like a sister or a brother

Let us love one another

Like children of the Lord.”

Whenever we sang, “like a sister or a brother,” Liz would pretend to punch me on the shoulder, and I would try to pinch her on the arm … because in our own experience, that was how siblings usually loved each other. Conflict between siblings is well attested in the Bible too, of course. Sibling rivalry and jealousy may help explain the divisions that plague the church today. But just as the Bible offers stories of sibling bitterness and violence, it also offers stories of sibling reconciliation.

Despite our separations, reconciliation is possible for us as Christian siblings as well. Like Joseph, we might turn to our estranged siblings and say, simply and clearly, “I am your brother.” We can name this relationship, honor its responsibilities, and move toward one another in love.

And after that? Well, perhaps the best word for what we will share is “fraternity.”

Your sister (!) in Christ,

Liddy.